Strength in Me

 Kim was out with her mom, and I was getting ready for the day. Weird as it sounds, I find that the things God speaks to my heart end up happening when I am in the shower. It is a thing. Four lines, complete with melody and words, suddenly just were "there" in my head. I started humming it as I continued to get ready. I sat down on the couch to jot it down, and the rest came quickly and easily. By the end of the day, I had a version of it to the copyright office.

This is one that gets stuck in a person's head. We found ourselves humming it for days, and some days, it is still on repeat.

There was a day early on in the stroke saga where the neurology surgeon was talking to Kim, explaining what had just happened to my brain. I was blissfully unaware. They had me so medicated, trying to lower my blood pressure and figure out what had just happened to this very active, healthy-eating young guy. I normally walked to work, just for the exercise. If we had to go somewhere within 5 miles of home, we walked. I swam a couple miles when I could work it in. What could have happened, right? Well, other stuff. 

We had just taken some steps to start getting my music produced when my brain exploded. One of Kim's first questions was, "He plays the piano and writes music. Did it affect that part of his brain?"

That was a complicated answer. My arms and legs were both paralyzed. So much for the piano. I had horrible aphasia. I could say exactly one word, and that was, "Piggy." (Don't ask me why.) I could shake my head no and nod my head yes, but often mixed up my intent on that. The neurology guy said the creative area of my brain was not touched, and it depended upon how much aphasia healed, whether I could spell again, etc. Kim and I both believe God can heal. We do not believe He always does. We believe sometimes, "A man is born blind to show the glory of God." Sometimes, God allows things for the testimony. Sometimes Lazarus dies so God can bring him back. Life is hard, bad things happen. People automatically jump to "unrepentant sin." It is not always that. Yeah, sometimes. Not always. Sometimes it is simply preparing us for what we already asked for, and as my song, "I Made It Through" states, it does not always look as we expect it to. The point is a daily seeking of God, and an ongoing repentant, teachable heart. You walk each day out with faithfulness, trusting that God will do what He deems best. And He always has.

Writing looks different now. My dominant arm is still a mess, my hand is useless, and I cannot sing past a few notes. I have others do for me what I cannot. God gave me some work-arounds, and as my "Free" song I wrote forever ago states, "It is a new song in a different key. I am still trying to learn the melody." I feel this song is one God literally just gave to me.

To listen to this song, click below: