I Reserve My Praise
To "reserve" something means to set it aside for a specific purpose. I decided a very, very long time ago that I did not want to show up in the musical field the way most do. That is their coin to spend, and they have to be accountable for their own coin. I just never felt that certain places were where I should be with what God had given me, and I held to that. I took a lot of flak and turned down many things that I know made me look insane, given what was going on in my life in addition to that. Compromise could have made a lot of situations a lot easier in the short term, but I couldn't do it. I believe in the long term, which is eternity. There are simply things I have felt deep conviction God does not want me to do with what He has given me. When you "reserve" something for a specific purpose, it is bound to happen. It does not make me "better" than anyone, it just means this is what reserving my coin looks like for me. It is why the timeframe between writing these and anyone hearing them is so drastic. There is a huge difference between giving up and waiting. They look pretty much the same, until they don't.
Jesus's message while He walked the earth was one of holiness. It meant to be set apart, to stand out ... to be a light. There is always the pull as a person to not want to look too weird, not be too different and not stand out in any way that draws unwanted attention. To reserve our praise for God means He is the only One who gets it. It means we give up some things. It probably even means it goes beyond giving up things to actually suffering. We will be excluded. There will be gossip, misunderstandings, and all the things that come with not adhering to "the way it always has been done." This song was my statement to God that what He had given me was only for Him, and that I was willing to take what came with it to do it the way I felt He convicted me He wanted it done ... and when.
